When parents separate, the court does not ask, “Which parent should win?” It asks a very different question: “What arrangement is in the best interests of this child?” If you are a parent in the middle of a breakup or divorce, that phrase – best interests of the child in NJ – shows up everywhere. It appears in the statutes, in court forms, and in nearly every conversation about custody and parenting time. But very few people ever sit down and explain what it actually means in practice, or how a judge in a Bergen County courtroom will use it to decide where your child sleeps on school nights.
This post is meant to change that. We’ll walk through where the best-interests test comes from, the factors New Jersey judges must consider, and how those factors play out in real examples we see every day in cases. We’ll also talk about what you, as a parent, can do to build a record that genuinely supports your child’s wellbeing—not just your own preferences.
Where the “best interests of the child” test comes from in NJ
New Jersey didn’t leave custody decisions to gut instinct. The standard is written into N.J.S.A. 9:2-4, the statute that governs custody and parenting time. It says that courts must make custody orders based on the best interests of the child, and it lists a set of specific factors judges must weigh. The statute also tells judges to put their reasoning on the record when parents don’t agree.
On top of the statute, New Jersey’s Supreme Court has reinforced this standard in major cases. In Kinsella v. Kinsella, the Court described custody decisions as being driven by the child’s protection, happiness, mental and emotional development. In Bisbing v. Bisbing, the Court held that even contested relocation disputes – whether a parent can move out of state with a child – have to be decided under the same best-interests framework, using the N.J.S.A. 9:2-4 factors.
So when a judge in Bergen County says, “I have to decide what is in your child’s best interests,” that’s not code for “whatever I feel like.” It means they are legally required to walk through a set of factors and apply them to the facts of your family.
The core idea: it’s about your child’s life, not who “wins” the divorce
The best-interests test is designed to protect children from adult conflict. Instead of focusing on who is “right” or who “deserves” custody, the court looks at what arrangement will keep your child safe, stable, and loved, and will allow them to grow and develop in a healthy way.
That means the judge is thinking about things like:
- Who has been getting them ready for school, helping with homework, taking them to the doctor.
- How each parent handles conflict and communication.
- Whether there is any history of domestic violence or unsafe behavior.
- How big a disruption a proposed change would create in the child’s everyday routine.
The law also makes clear that, whenever it is safe and practical, it is generally in a child’s best interests to have a strong relationship with both parents. That doesn’t always mean 50/50 time, but it does mean the court is wary of arrangements that unnecessarily cut one parent out.
The statutory factors, in plain English
N.J.S.A. 9:2-4 lists a non-exhaustive set of factors judges “shall consider” when deciding custody and parenting time. Different cases emphasize different items, but the big themes are always the same: communication, relationships, safety, stability, and practical reality.
Instead of repeating the statute word-for-word, let’s group the factors into everyday language and talk about what they look like with real families.
1. How well the parents communicate and cooperate
One of the first things judges look at is each parent’s willingness and ability to agree, communicate, and cooperate about the child. If parents can co-parent respectfully, joint legal custody (shared decision-making) is often appropriate. If they can’t, the court may give one parent final say in certain areas (for example, education or healthcare), even if parenting time is shared.
Example:
Imagine two Bergen County parents with a ten-year-old. They disagree about some things, but they both respond to emails, attend school meetings together without incident, and find ways to compromise on schedule changes. When they testify, they both acknowledge each other’s strengths as a parent, even if tensions are high. A judge is far more likely to order a joint legal-custody arrangement here.
2. Each parent’s willingness to allow the child a relationship with the other parent
The statute asks judges to look at each parent’s willingness to accept custody and any history of unwillingness to allow parenting time not based on substantiated abuse. That’s a long way of saying: courts pay close attention to whether a parent supports, or undermines, the child’s relationship with the other parent.
Example:
A mother repeatedly cancels the father’s weekend because of minor issues, refuses make-up time, and tells the child “your father doesn’t really care about you.” There is no evidence of abuse or safety issues. The father, by contrast, encourages the child to call Mom during his parenting time and shows he will be flexible when she has special events.
Even if both parents love the child, the one who consistently gatekeeps or badmouths the other parent may be seen as less able to foster a healthy relationship over time. That directly affects the best-interests analysis.
3. The child’s relationship with each parent, siblings, and important people
Judges also look at the child’s interaction and relationship with each parent and with siblings, plus other important people in their life. If a child has grown up in a close, everyday relationship with both parents and siblings, that weighs in favor of preserving those bonds. If one parent has been largely absent, that may support a more limited schedule at first, with a plan to build a relationship in a child-focused way.
Example:
In one case, both parents live in different parts of Bergen County, but the child’s entire extended family—grandparents, cousins—are clustered around the current school and neighborhood. The child spends every Sunday with cousins and has a strong bond with both sides of the family. A proposed plan that would drastically reduce that contact will raise concerns under the best-interests test, even if it gives more time with one parent.
4. Safety and any history of domestic violence
Safety is non-negotiable. The statute specifically directs courts to consider any history of domestic violence and the safety of the child and either parent. When there are restraining orders or credible allegations of abuse, that doesn’t automatically end parenting time, but it changes how the court structures it. Supervised visitation, safe exchange locations, and detailed restrictions may be used to protect everyone involved.
Example:
Suppose there is a Final Restraining Order against one parent for violence against the other. The restrained parent has never harmed the child directly but has exposed the child to shouting and property destruction. The court might order supervised parenting time in a neutral setting while the parent engages in treatment or classes. Here, the best interests of the child include both maintaining a relationship with that parent and ensuring that visits are physically and emotionally safe.
5. The stability of each home and the child’s schooling
Judges are also concerned with stability. That includes the quality and continuity of the child’s education, the stability of each home environment, and how disruptive a proposed change might be. Courts generally prefer arrangements that keep a child in the same school, with the same doctors and support services, if possible.
Example:
A twelve-year-old in Paramus has been in the same middle school for years, has an IEP for learning differences, and sees a local therapist weekly. One parent proposes a 50/50 week-on/week-off schedule, but it would require the child to change schools and travel a long distance twice a week. The other parent proposes a plan that keeps the child in the same school and offers extended weekends and long summer blocks to the other parent.
In that situation, a court may decide that the second plan better serves the child’s best interests because it preserves educational and therapeutic continuity while still allowing meaningful time with both parents.
6. The child’s preference (when age-appropriate)
New Jersey law allows judges to consider the preference of a child of sufficient age and capacity to reason. There’s no magic birthday, but as children approach their teenage years, judges may give more weight to their wishes. Even then, a child’s preference is one factor, not the only one. It must be weighed against safety, stability, and the potential for pressure from one parent.
Example:
A sixteen-year-old says she strongly prefers to live primarily with her father, citing his flexible work schedule and a closer relationship. However, the evidence shows that the father has been permissive to a fault, allowing her to skip school and ignore curfews. The mother has provided more structure and kept up with school obligations.
The judge might decide that, although the teenager’s voice matters, her long-term welfare is better served by a schedule that keeps Mom’s structure in place, while still increasing time with Dad in a way that does not undermine schooling.
7. The parents’ fitness and general parenting history
Courts also evaluate each parent’s fitness. That doesn’t mean perfection. It means looking at the parent’s physical and mental health, history of substance abuse, criminal record (if any), and their track-record of meeting the child’s daily needs. A parent struggling with addiction, for example, might still have contact with the child, but it may be supervised or conditioned on treatment.
Example:
A parent with a long-standing alcohol problem has recently entered recovery, is attending AA, and has letters from a counselor documenting their progress. The other parent wants to cut off all contact permanently. The court might find that it is in the child’s best interests to reintroduce parenting time gradually, initially supervised, recognizing both the importance of safety and the importance of a relationship with that parent if recovery continues.
8. The logistics: work schedules, distance, and practical realities
Even the best plan on paper fails if it doesn’t work in real life. Judges look at the geographic distance between parents’ homes, each parent’s work hours and commute, and the demands of the child’s schedule. A 50/50 rotation that creates chaos around homework and sleep may be less in a child’s best interests than a more lopsided schedule that fits smoothly into school days.
Example:
One parent works rotating night shifts at a hospital in Hackensack; the other works a predictable 9-to-5. A strictly equal week-on/week-off split might mean that on some weeks, the child is with a parent who is sleeping during the day and relying heavily on third-party care. A judge might decide that a primary residence with the 9-to-5 parent, extended weekends with the shift-work parent, and additional time during that parent’s vacation weeks is more truly in the child’s best interests.
How judges use these factors together (not one by one in a vacuum)
It’s important to remember that no single factor automatically decides custody. A court weighs all the relevant factors together and decides what combination of legal custody (decision-making) and physical custody (where the child lives) fits this family.
For example, parents might share joint legal custody but have very unequal parenting time, because one travels constantly for work. Or the court might give one parent final decision-making authority on education, but require joint decisions on medical issues. The best-interests test gives judges flexibility, but it also gives structure; they must explain why a particular arrangement serves the child better than the alternatives.
Real scenarios where “best interests” look different than parents expect
To see how this works in practice, consider three common patterns.
Cooperative parents with different parenting styles.
Two parents both love their child and both have solid homes. One is more structured; the other is more relaxed. They communicate reasonably well and show up for school events. Even if the child spends a little more time with one parent because of school logistics, the best-interests test will usually support joint legal custody and a generous schedule for both sides, because the risk of harm from either home is low and the benefits of strong relationships with both parents are high.
High-conflict co-parenting with no safety issues.
Here, both homes are safe, but the parents fight constantly and involve the child in their disputes. In these cases, judges may use the best-interests standard to limit opportunities for conflict: a clearer, more predictable schedule, detailed rules about communication (often using a co-parenting app), and, sometimes, a parenting coordinator. The goal is not to punish anyone; it is to reduce stress on the child by reducing the amount of chaos they experience.
Relocation cases.
After Bisbing v. Bisbing, a parent who wants to move out of state with a child must prove that the move is in the child’s best interests, not just that the parent has a good reason to move. The court looks at all the N.J.S.A. 9:2-4 factors plus relocation-specific issues like schools at the new location, travel time and cost, and the feasibility of preserving the child’s relationship with the non-moving parent. In many relocation disputes, the key question becomes: will this move enhance the child’s life more than it disrupts their relationship with the other parent and their stability at home and school?
How parents can support their child’s best interests (and their own credibility)
You can’t control everything in a custody case, but there are practical steps you can take that align with the best-interests test and strengthen how a judge sees you.
First, focus on your child’s week, not on scoring points.
Judges respond better to parents who talk about homework routines, bedtime, extracurriculars, and emotional needs than to parents who recite a list of grievances about the other adult. Framing your requests in terms of what keeps your child calm, rested, and engaged in school carries more weight than saying “I deserve” a certain number of days.
Second, pay attention to your communications.
Emails, texts, and messages through co-parenting apps often end up as exhibits. Writing in a brief, factual, respectful tone – even when the other parent is baiting you – tells the court a lot about your ability to put your child first.
Third, document what matters, but don’t obsess.
Keeping a simple calendar of overnights, doctor visits, and major problems is helpful. Printing out every minor unpleasant text from the last two years is not. Think quality, not volume.
Finally, avoid behaviors that courts often see as contrary to a child’s best interests: bad-mouthing the other parent to the child, using your child as a go-between, withholding parenting time without a genuine safety reason, or posting angry rants about your co-parent on social media.
Bergen County specifics: where your best-interests case is heard
If you live in Garfield, Paramus, Hackensack, or anywhere else in Bergen County, your custody and parenting-time issues will be heard. The Family Division schedules hearings, manages consent conferences and mediation, and keeps the official record of orders involving custody and parenting time.
In many cases, you’ll encounter:
- A consent conference or mediation session where a neutral tries to help you agree on a parenting plan.
- The Parents’ Education Program, designed to help separating parents understand the impact of conflict on children.
- Case-management conferences and, in more complex disputes, custody evaluations or parenting investigations.
Understanding the best-interests standard before you walk into those rooms makes it easier to propose arrangements that a Bergen County judge is actually likely to approve.
Final thoughts—and when to get help
The best interests of the child in NJ is not a mysterious slogan; it is a structured test grounded in statute and case law, applied every day in courtrooms across the state. For your child, it translates into very concrete questions: Who gets them up on school mornings? Who helps with homework? Are they safe and emotionally supported in each home? Will a proposed change make their life more stable—or less?
If you are facing a custody or parenting-time decision and you’re not sure how your facts fit these factors, that’s where we come in. At Sammarro & Zalarick, we work with parents in Bergen County and throughout North Jersey to organize their story around the best-interests test, present credible evidence, and design parenting plans that work in real life, not just on paper.
If you’d like to talk about your specific situation, we’re here to listen. Contact us for a confidential consultation, and let’s walk through how these factors apply to your child and your family.
Note: This article is general information, not legal advice. Laws and procedures change, and every case is different. For advice about your situation, speak with an attorney licensed in New Jersey.