Separated but not divorced in NJ is one of the most common “quiet limbo” situations we see. People build separate lives. They may live in different homes. They might even have new relationships. And because things feel “over,” they assume the law sees it the same way.
It doesn’t.
In New Jersey, separation by itself usually does not end the marriage. You can live apart for five years—or fifteen—and unless there’s been a court judgment that legally ends (or legally restructures) the marriage, you are still legally married. That can matter in ways you don’t expect until something forces the issue: a new engagement, a home purchase, a medical emergency, taxes, or estate planning.
At Sammarro & Zalarick in Bergen County, we try to make this simple: you don’t need a divorce just to live separately. But you often need a divorce to protect yourself and move forward legally.
(This is general information, not legal advice for your specific situation.)
Separated but not divorced in NJ: the quick answer
If you’ve been separated for more than five years in New Jersey, you do not become “automatically divorced.” New Jersey divorce requires a formal legal process and a judgment of divorce.
So do you “still need” a divorce? If you want to remarry, cleanly divide property, finalize support terms, or remove legal ties that still exist during marriage, the answer is usually yes. If you do nothing, you may still be married on paper—which can affect financial decisions and legal rights in the background.
Why over five years of separation doesn’t automatically end a marriage
A lot of people assume separation is a legal status. In some states, “legal separation” is an official court process. In New Jersey, what most people call “separation” is typically just a living arrangement—two spouses living apart without a final divorce judgment.
New Jersey law lists the causes (grounds) for divorce, including no-fault options. One of those is “irreconcilable differences” for at least six months. Another is “separation” where spouses live separate and apart for at least 18 consecutive months.
Notice what that means: living apart is a ground you can use to file for divorce, but it isn’t the divorce itself. It’s the reason that supports the request for the court to grant a divorce. The marriage isn’t legally ended until the court enters judgment.
When you might not “need” a divorce—yet
There are situations where someone can stay separated and not file immediately. Sometimes it’s religious reasons. Sometimes it’s health insurance concerns. Sometimes the couple is stable living apart and doesn’t want the emotional energy of legal paperwork.
If both spouses are truly on the same page, separation can be workable. But workable is not the same as protected.
The reason we’re careful here is that long separations often look peaceful until something changes: one spouse wants to sell a house, refinance, relocate, or remarry. Or someone becomes ill. Or money gets tight. When those moments hit, the lack of a formal divorce (or a formal court order) becomes a real problem.
The real-life reasons separated couples still file for divorce in NJ
Remarriage and new relationships
This is the simplest one: you cannot legally remarry while still married. People sometimes assume “we’ve been separated forever” is good enough. It isn’t. If you want a new marriage to be valid, you need the old one legally ended first.
Property and debt don’t pause just because you moved out
Long separation can create confusion about what belongs to whom. If one spouse buys a car, builds savings, or takes on debt during the separation, the question becomes: is it separate or marital? That answer can depend on the facts and timing, and it’s exactly the kind of issue that becomes expensive when it’s not clarified early.
A divorce doesn’t magically erase disputes, but it does create a formal framework to divide property and allocate responsibility. It can also create a clearer timeline for negotiations about what should be considered marital vs. post-separation.
Taxes still treat you as married until divorce is final
This surprises people all the time. The IRS explains that if you’re separated but not legally separated or divorced by the end of the year, the IRS generally considers you married for filing purposes until you get a final decree of divorce or separate maintenance.
That can affect filing status choices, credits, and overall tax planning. It doesn’t mean you must file jointly—you can often file “married filing separately”—but you should understand the implications before you assume you’re “single” for tax purposes.
Estate planning and legal rights can still be affected
Even if you’ve lived apart for years, you may still be someone’s legal spouse unless and until divorce occurs. That can affect decisions and rights around inheritance and beneficiary designations. The details can be technical, and outcomes can depend on factors like whether spouses were living separate and apart and what documents exist.
The practical point is this: separation can create a false sense of closure, and estate issues are one of the most painful places for that to show up.
Can I file now even if we’ve been separated for years?
Yes—and for many people, being separated for five years actually makes the divorce cleaner because the marriage has clearly been over in practice.
New Jersey has no-fault divorce grounds that fit most long-separation situations:
New Jersey law allows divorce based on irreconcilable differences that have existed for at least six months with no reasonable prospect of reconciliation.
It also allows divorce based on separation, where spouses have lived separate and apart in different habitations for at least 18 consecutive months with no reasonable prospect of reconciliation.
If you’ve been separated for more than five years, you likely qualify under either ground. Which one is best depends on your facts and what you’re trying to accomplish, but many people choose irreconcilable differences because it’s straightforward and doesn’t require proving a specific length of physical separation beyond the general breakdown period.
What if we agree on everything—does a long separation mean it can be uncontested?
Often, yes. Long-separated couples sometimes already live financially separate lives and have an informal routine with children (if children are involved). That can make settlement easier—if both spouses are willing to document the agreement properly.
But “uncontested” does not mean “no paperwork.” It means you’re not asking the judge to resolve disputes because you’ve resolved them yourselves. The court still expects proper filings and a clear written agreement when issues like property division, support, and parenting time are involved.
What legal steps are involved in filing a divorce in New Jersey?
The basics of the filing process are not complicated, but the details matter.
You file your divorce papers in the Superior Court, Family Division, in the county where you or your spouse lives. NJ Courts explain this directly and provide the divorce self-help hub where forms and guidance are available.
New Jersey also allows electronic submission through JEDS (Judiciary Electronic Document Submission), which NJ Courts describe as the portal for submitting documents and paying filing fees electronically.
After filing, your spouse must be served. The spouse who is served has 35 days to respond to the summons and complaint, and NJ Courts provide a dedicated page explaining how to respond.
Those are the core steps. After that, what happens depends on whether your spouse responds, whether there are unresolved issues, and whether you’re moving toward settlement or litigation.
How does being separated affect child custody or parenting time issues?
If you have children and you’ve already been living separately for years, your current routine often becomes the starting point for negotiations. Courts typically focus on stability and the child’s best interests, not on how long you’ve been separated informally.
The key is that separation alone doesn’t create enforceable custody terms unless there is a court order (or a court-approved agreement). If you’ve had informal parenting time for five years and it’s been peaceful, a divorce can formalize what’s working and reduce future conflict. If it hasn’t been peaceful, divorce is often the moment parents finally get clear structure.
What about “legal separation” or divorce from bed and board?
Some couples want court-ordered financial separation but do not want an absolute divorce. In New Jersey, one option that exists in the statutes is divorce from bed and board, sometimes described as a “limited divorce.” The statute authorizing divorce from bed and board is N.J.S.A. 2A:34-3.
This is not the most common path, and it’s not the right fit for everyone. But it can be relevant for people who want formal court orders on finances or parenting while remaining legally married. If you’ve been separated for years and want legal structure without a full divorce, this is a topic worth discussing with a family law attorney.
Can we both file at the same time?
It happens, but it usually doesn’t change much. Once one spouse files, the other spouse can respond—and if they want to raise their own claims, they can do so in their response. NJ Courts explain the responding spouse’s options and deadlines.
In most real cases, “racing to file” is less important than filing with a plan.
Can I change my mind after filing?
Sometimes couples reconcile. Sometimes someone files out of stress and then realizes they want to pause. You can often stop or pause a case, but the procedure can depend on what stage the case is in and whether the other spouse has responded and asserted their own claims. If you think reconciliation is possible, talk to a lawyer before making assumptions about “withdrawing” the case.
How a family law attorney helps after a long separation
Long separations create unique divorce problems because people assume “everything is already separate,” yet the paperwork often says otherwise.
A family law attorney helps you spot hidden risk. We help clients identify what still needs to be resolved (even after years apart), organize financial documentation, and structure a settlement that avoids surprises. We also help clients who have been separated a long time avoid the trap of “letting it stay informal” when enforceable orders would prevent future conflict.
And if your spouse is likely to be uncooperative—or simply hard to locate—legal guidance becomes even more valuable because service requirements and procedural steps matter.
Why work with Sammarro & Zalarick?
At Sammarro & Zalarick, we’re used to long-separation divorces. We know they can be straightforward—but we also know they can become unnecessarily expensive when old property issues, unclear debts, or informal parenting routines suddenly get challenged.
Our approach is practical: clarify the legal reality, reduce the emotional noise, and build a clean path forward—whether that means an uncontested settlement, a structured negotiation, or a court-guided process when agreement isn’t possible.
If you’ve been separated for five years and want to finally close this chapter properly, a short consultation can help you understand exactly what you need—and what you don’t.
Need advice about your specific situation?
If you’ve been separated for years and you’re wondering whether divorce is necessary—or you’re ready to finally formalize custody, support, or property terms—getting clear legal guidance can save you a lot of stress. Sammarro & Zalarick serves clients across Bergen County and Northern New Jersey. Contact us to schedule a FREE confidential consultation, and we’ll help you understand your options and next steps.
Note: This article is general information, not legal advice. Laws and procedures change, and every case is different. For advice about your situation, speak with an attorney licensed in New Jersey.