Spouse refuses to sign divorce papers NJ—that phrase shows up in our Bergen County office more often than you’d think. It usually comes in the same tone: frustrated, exhausted, and a little panicked. People picture divorce like a form you both sign at the kitchen table. If your spouse won’t sign, you’re stuck—right?
Not in New Jersey.
Here’s the truth we tell clients at Sammarro & Zalarick: a spouse can refuse to cooperate, but they generally can’t “veto” a divorce. They can slow things down. They can make it more expensive and stressful. And they can absolutely use the process to posture or pressure you. But the court system is built for the reality that not everyone plays fair.
If you’re dealing with a spouse who won’t sign, this post is meant to talk to you like we would in a consult: plain language, real-world expectations, and the practical next steps that actually move a case forward.
(Quick note: this is general information, not legal advice for your specific situation.)
Spouse Refuses to Sign Divorce Papers NJ: What “Refusing to Sign” Usually Means
When someone says, “My spouse won’t sign the divorce papers,” we almost always have to ask one follow-up question in our heads:
Which papers?
Because “the divorce papers” can mean a few different things, and the solution depends on what your spouse is refusing to sign.
They won’t sign an Acknowledgment of Service
This is the “I received the complaint” paperwork. If they won’t sign, it doesn’t end your case—it just means you’ll use formal service instead.
They won’t sign a settlement agreement
This is the big one. They’re refusing to sign a Marital Settlement Agreement (or any negotiated deal). That pushes the case into contested territory. It’s not the end of the road—it’s just a different road.
They won’t sign final paperwork “to let it be over”
Sometimes a spouse says, “I’m not signing anything,” as a power move. They may be hoping you’ll give up or agree to terms you don’t want. New Jersey courts have procedures for that.
Let’s walk through what actually happens in each scenario.
Can Your Spouse Stop the Divorce?
In New Jersey, divorce is a court process. One spouse files a complaint, the other spouse gets served, and the case proceeds through either settlement or court decision.
New Jersey allows no-fault divorce on the ground of irreconcilable differences—meaning the marriage has been broken for at least six months and there’s no reasonable prospect of reconciliation.
That matters because it frames the big picture:
If one spouse wants to end the marriage and the legal requirements are met, the case can move forward even without the other spouse’s cooperation.
Your spouse may still contest issues (custody, support, property division). But refusing to sign doesn’t magically freeze your legal options.
The First “No”: They Refuse to Sign Because They Don’t Want to Be Served
This is where a lot of people get tripped up.
You do not need your spouse’s signature to file for divorce. Filing is something the plaintiff (the spouse initiating the case) does with the court. The signature roadblock usually shows up at the service stage—when your spouse won’t acknowledge receipt.
How service works in practical terms
If your spouse is cooperative, service can be handled by mail with an acknowledgment form. But if they stop cooperating, you shift to personal service. The Legal Services of New Jersey divorce guide specifically warns that if a defendant doesn’t return an acknowledgment of service within a few weeks and it’s clear they’re no longer cooperating, you should move to personal service.
In real life, we often recommend using a professional process server for speed and documentation, especially when a spouse is ducking service.
If they’re actively avoiding service
Avoiding service can work for a short time, but it usually doesn’t work forever. Courts can allow alternative methods if you truly can’t locate or serve someone through normal means.
That said, judges take service seriously. The court wants confidence that your spouse had notice and an opportunity to respond. So if your spouse is hiding, the strategy is “do it clean,” not “do it fast and sloppy.” A messy service attempt can cause delays later.
The Second “No”: They Were Served but Refuse to Respond
This is the scenario where people call us and say, “They got the papers, they’re just ignoring me.”
In New Jersey, once your spouse is properly served, they generally have 35 days to answer or respond.
That 35-day clock matters. A lot.
What happens after 35 days?
If your spouse doesn’t respond within the time allowed, the case may proceed as a default matter. The LSNJ guide explains that if the defendant does not file a written response within the time allowed (typically 35 days unless there’s an extension or special service order), you can pursue a default judgment process.
Here’s what we tell clients: default divorce isn’t “automatic divorce.” It’s more like: the court is willing to move forward without your spouse participating, but you still have to follow the rules and prove your case.
What a Default Divorce Actually Looks Like in New Jersey
If your spouse goes silent, you don’t just show up and walk out divorced in five minutes with everything you asked for.
There are procedural steps, and the court expects proper notice and documentation.
The LSNJ guide lays out a roadmap that includes:
- Filing a Request to Enter Default Judgment
- Filing a Certification of Non-Military Service (with a certificate from the Department of Defense)
- Sending notice of a default hearing
- Sending a Notice of Proposed Final Judgment far enough in advance (more on that below)
The “non-military” piece is not optional
Courts take protections for active-duty servicemembers seriously. If you’re seeking default, you may need to show the defendant is not in military service (or follow the court’s requirements if you can’t determine their status). The LSNJ guide references attaching a certificate from the Department of Defense for the Certification of Non-Military Service.
If you need a place to run that status check, the Department of Defense DMDC SCRA site is commonly used to obtain a military status report.
The 20-day notice requirement can make or break your financial requests
One of the most important default-divorce details is easy to miss, and it’s where we see self-represented people get burned.
According to the LSNJ guide, if you want the court to consider requests beyond simply granting the divorce—things like money, property division, alimony, child support—you must serve the defendant with the Notice of Proposed Final Judgment at least 20 days before the default hearing.
And the guide is blunt about the consequence:
If that 20-day requirement isn’t met, the court may grant the divorce but not consider your requests for money or property relief.
That is exactly the kind of “small procedural miss, big life impact” we try to prevent for clients.
Proof matters—even if your spouse refuses to accept mail
The LSNJ guide also explains that at the default hearing you may have to prove the defendant received (or refused) the notice at least 20 days beforehand, using proof like the signed green return receipt card or an envelope marked “unclaimed” or “refused.”
So when someone says, “They won’t sign anything,” our response is: “Fine. We document everything.”
Divorce “On the Papers” in New Jersey: Not Every Case Requires a Court Appearance
A lot has changed in how courts handle uncontested and default matters. New Jersey has issued guidance on when certain divorce/dissolution judgments may be processed without personal appearances in certain cases—what many people call “divorce on the papers.”
Directive #01-25 (March 19, 2025) describes standardized procedures for the entry of default and uncontested judgments without personal appearances in certain FM divorce/dissolution proceedings.
What this means for you, practically:
- In some circumstances, you may not need a traditional in-person hearing to finalize the divorce.
- The paperwork has to be right.
- The case still has to meet the criteria.
We usually frame it like this: the courts may make it easier to finish clean cases, but they do not make it easier to “wing it.”
The Third “No”: They Refuse to Sign a Settlement Agreement
This is the crossroads where your case changes shape.
If your spouse refuses to sign any agreement, your divorce becomes contested—or at least contested on the issues. That doesn’t mean you’ll definitely go to trial. Most cases still settle. But the path to settlement may require structure (discovery, case management conferences, court-ordered mediation, settlement panels).
What refusing to sign really signals
In Bergen County divorces, a spouse refusing to sign usually signals one of three things:
- They want different terms
This is the simplest explanation. They’re not being “difficult,” they’re negotiating—just poorly. - They’re afraid
Fear can look like stubbornness. Some spouses won’t sign because they don’t understand the financial picture or they’re worried about the kids. - They’re controlling the timeline
This is the hard one. Some spouses refuse to sign because delay is the goal. They want you to stay financially tied, emotionally stuck, or simply exhausted enough to accept a bad deal.
Your strategy should match the motivation. If it’s negotiation, you negotiate. If it’s control, you use the court’s deadlines and enforcement tools to keep the case moving.
“If My Spouse Won’t Sign, Do I Have to Go to Trial?”
Not automatically.
Refusing to sign an agreement often means you’ll need to do more formal steps—especially financial discovery—before a realistic settlement can happen. But trials are still the exception, not the rule.
Here’s what we tell clients: your spouse’s refusal doesn’t decide the outcome; it decides the process.
If they won’t settle, the court can decide unresolved issues. And if the case ends in a trial decision, the judge issues an order—your spouse’s signature isn’t the thing that makes it enforceable.
What You Can Do Right Now to Protect Yourself While the Case Moves
When a spouse stonewalls, you want to do two things at once:
- Keep the case moving forward.
- Protect your finances and your parenting position.
Stabilize the money
If you share accounts, credit cards, or you’re worried about sudden spending, it’s time to get organized:
- Gather statements (bank, credit cards, retirement, mortgage).
- Track what’s being paid and what’s being skipped.
- Avoid “self-help” moves like draining accounts unless counsel advises it—those choices tend to show up later in court, and not always in a good way.
Stabilize the parenting routine
If children are involved, consistency matters. Courts care about schedules, communication, and whether each parent supports the child’s relationship with the other parent.
Even if your spouse is being unreasonable, don’t match the energy. Document, stay child-focused, and lean on formal processes when necessary.
Don’t let silence trick you into inaction
A spouse who refuses to sign often counts on you doing nothing. That’s where momentum matters. If you’ve served them and they ignore it, the 35-day clock isn’t just a technicality—it’s your path forward.
The Mistakes We See When Someone Tries to “DIY” a Non-Cooperative Divorce
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to save money. We respect it. But certain mistakes create expensive clean-up work later.
Mistake 1: Improper or undocumented service
If service is defective, your spouse may later challenge the judgment. Clean service is boring—but it’s protective.
Mistake 2: Missing the default notice requirements
The default pathway can work, but the rules matter. The LSNJ guide’s warning about serving the Notice of Proposed Final Judgment at least 20 days before the hearing is a perfect example of a detail that affects whether the court will consider financial relief.
Mistake 3: Treating default like “I win”
Default is not “everything I asked for.” Especially with children, judges look carefully at support and custody requests. The court’s job is to enter enforceable, lawful orders—not rubber-stamp a wish list.
Mistake 4: Waiting too long to get help
The best time to get advice is before you’ve filed the wrong thing or sent the wrong notice. The second-best time is now.
Spouse Refuses to Sign Divorce Papers NJ: When to Talk to a Lawyer
If any of these are true, it’s worth getting legal guidance early:
- Your spouse is avoiding service or you don’t know where they live.
- There are children and parenting time is already disputed.
- You suspect hidden income or assets.
- You need alimony, child support, or equitable distribution and you don’t want to risk losing claims due to procedural missteps.
- You believe your spouse is refusing to sign as a way to intimidate, control, or punish you.
At Sammarro & Zalarick, our job in these cases is part legal strategy, part stress reduction. A non-cooperative spouse creates noise. We focus on the steps that cut through the noise and move the case toward a result you can actually live with.
The Bottom Line
If you’re stuck on the idea that you can’t get divorced until your spouse signs, here’s the reassurance:
You can move forward.
Your spouse can refuse to sign. They can drag their feet. They can posture. But New Jersey’s process has built-in answers for non-cooperation—service rules, response deadlines, default procedures, and the court’s authority to decide unresolved issues.
The key is doing it the right way, with the right paperwork, and with the right expectations.
If you want, you can bring your specific situation (service issues, children, finances, whether they answered, whether you’re close to default) into a consult, and we’ll tell you what the cleanest next move is.
Note: This article is general information, not legal advice. Laws and procedures change, and every case is different. For advice about your situation, speak with an attorney licensed in New Jersey.